A Flashback After Friday: Warmth Along the Fear

[paulamcg]

(Just when I’d planned to finally continue the posting of my OotP-era fic, my laptop needed fixing. Now at last, here you are: a short fic, without a cut.)

Title: Warmth Along the Fear
Author: paulamcg
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Characters: Remus, Sirius
Word Count: 200
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Remus and Sirius won’t help me make any money.
Notes: This piece was written for Scarves and Hats, a Remus/Sirius Fall Festival at Livejournal in 2006. The prompt was The Atheist Christmas Carol by Vienna Teng. I'm still grateful to Livejournal user jazzypom for urging me to make something clearer.
Summary: Remus shares the fear and a wish at October’s full moon in 1995.


Now also here on AO3
and right here:



Warmth Along the Fear



The remaining red above the ridge paints my hands. Hands of an old man, wrinkled and too easily frozen. When the colour has been wiped off, brief darkness will be followed by the most cruel light. But this ominous sky promises warmth along the fear of pain, as I stand only for a moment alone in the raw wind.

I had to arrive urgently, before my strength waned. Now he, too, is here, eager to escape the house, and…

He embraces me immediately, whispering to my ear.

“I wish…” he says.

“You know I don’t need a cure.”

No, the slow miracle has worked its way through these years. The wolf learnt to control its mind in the company of any animal. And I was blessed with his return and my ability to welcome him back to life – to my life.

Now I let him undress me, even though I’d still be able to do it myself. Huddled against another damaged body, mine is once again filling with fear.

“In a moment,” he says, “we’ll leap up the hills, without any pain… until…”

I won’t know about time. The only wish left is that he, too, could leave his human mind, his concern for me, behind.

Comments

[a_belladonna]

Just when I’d planned to finally continue the posting of my OotP-era fic, my laptop needed fixing.

Isn't that just typical!? Hope that it's up and running again. :)

But oh, wow. So much expressed in such few words.

The only wish left is that he, too, could leave his human mind, his concern for me, behind.

Oh, Remus. All the fear and cold and pain are expressed so beautifully in this extended drabble. You want them to feel better and yet you know they won't, *sigh*

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much for your beautiful words about the tiny fic (which is not exactly a double drabble – a form I wasn’t aware of fourteen years ago – but 206 words)!

At this point in my Rowling’s-first-five-books-consistent story about them they’ve still got some hope left even for Sirius to feel better at least at moments, while there’s more of lovely but useless wishing. But (as an initial response to a recent reply of yours to a comment elsewhere) I do prefer sad characters to happy ones in fiction.

And thank you, my laptop works happily again (but I’ve still been busy after moving house a bit over a week ago. I’ve only started filling my six bookshelves).

[a_belladonna]

Ah, yes, when read in that light the glimmer of hope doesn't seem as cruel. But yes, sad characters are more interesting, in a way.

Good luck getting everything settled! :) A home with no bookshelves is an empty home.

[paulamcg]

Thank you for the lovely reply! I prefer the characters in the cruel circumstances given to them in canon (and often can’t resist adding to their sadness), because that’s how the hope they find (in each other) shines brighter against the gloom.

In my case the home has been full of boxes and of empty bookshelves, which have now finally been moved to the right places. :)

[a_belladonna]

and often can’t resist adding to their sadness

I totally agree. Of course, it can be nice to write something sweet every once in awhile...but still I like to contrast it against something sad. And they certainly have many cruel circumstances in Harry Potter.
It also pleased me (okay, that sounds wrong, but, you know) to realise how easily you could give many of the characters in Tintin "not so nice" backgrounds. I mean, when they do have a background in canon, it's with a hint of tragedy - so it could easily be extended to the ones with no given background. (Case in point, the little Mother's Day-snippet I posted.)

I talked to a friend about it, just in relation to music. We both agreed we preferred our music to be in the minor key, and that major key music was a bit "suspicious" ;)

[paulamcg]

Thank you for another further comment! Oh yes, at least hints of tragedy serve well for a contrast in a sweet story. I suppose there’s often been quiet melancholy in my stories, and someone who’s an immigrant in Finland has said that perhaps my fiction doesn’t appeal to people who aren’t as fond of the minor key as Finns are.

And thank you for referring to what you posted on Mother’s Day, as I had missed it.

[a_belladonna]

perhaps my fiction doesn’t appeal to people who aren’t as fond of the minor key as Finns are

I just, tonight, saw a tag on AO3 along the lines of "no happy people in Scandinavia", haha. Are we that gloomy, up here? ;)
But at the same time there's a bit of truth to it - a lot of art from Scandinavia/the Nordic area does have an undercurrent of sadness/melancholy you don't really encounter further south in Europe (or the US).

And no stress, you've had a lot to do with moving and unpacking. :)

[paulamcg]

a lot of art from Scandinavia/the Nordic area does have an undercurrent sadness/melancholy you don't really encounter further south Proud to continue that tradition!

And happy today finally to devote a bit more time for writing and reading. But also sad to notice I’ve missed the deadline for the Shore of Angst fest, for which I could have offered my melancholy Remus/Severus :)

[a_belladonna]

Yes, that is a shame, it would have fitted in nicely. But good to hear you've settled a bit more now. :)

[paulamcg]

♥