Six Sentence Sunday

[paulamcg]

Post six sentences from whatever you're working on, if you're game!

I haven’t been sure this rewriting project will lead to any sharing, but thanks to delphi’s idea for Sunday posts, here I go again… In 2004 I wrote about Remus in 1984 – and now when having started a complete rewrite, I’ve added small flashbacks, referring to stories from last year.


Professor R. J. Lupin, the gold letters stamped on the leather pronounce. Refusing to peel off, they force him to remember. He needs to stare at the letters, because if he tries to look away now that he’s too weary and wretched to focus on the meaningless figures of strangers passing and leaving phrases of French to hang in the crisp twilight air and fill his head if not his stomach with delicious dinners awaiting at cosy, warm bistros… If he tries not to see what he’s left with, he sees too clearly more than that. His merciless visual memory will paint the vivid image of another hand under his, covering the name and the joke of a title, so as to postpone the surprise for a moment. Long, slender fingers.

Comments

[delphi]

Oh, very sad - nicely done.

[paulamcg]

Thank you ♥!

Oh, but the fic or at least its opening scene (where this paragraph belongs) is – or is meant to be – worse than sad and far from nice… Although I know you didn’t mean it that way, your comment has made me reconsider this part. The last phrase is far too cliché, or at least I must have myself used it in nicer scenes.

Thanks to your comment, I’ve now added a couple of phrases to the end of the paragraph, and the first one of them is

With some mud under the nails…

You know, this is one reason why I love interaction with a reader. ♥

[kelly_chambliss]

Intriguing beginning!

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much for reading and for your encouraging comment! This paragraph is not the very beginning, but the fourth paragraph in the eight-paragraph opening scene (of what is now 4000 words when I’ve covered half of the events of the originally 6000-word fic). In any case, I’m glad you’ve found this intriguing.

[writcraft]

Ahhh, this really tugged at my heart, the visual memory of another hand under his.

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I’m glad the paragraph worked for you so well. As I’ve said in my reply to delphi above, I’ve added something to the visual memory, as I found the image too cliché. The next words are

With some mud under the nails.

There’s a lot in this fic (in the half I’ve rewritten) that’s tugging at my heart even more than this part is, but it’s lovely I’ve got to share this with you.