Do I Know How to Be Kind?

[paulamcg]

Challenge #12

Commit an Act of Kindness (or two or three ♥).


I’ve somehow really struggled with this one like with none other. I’ve seen someone include kindness as a goal and praised that, and then, when praising myself, claimed that I’ve turned out to be (among other things) kind enough. Now I wonder if in so-called real life I have sometimes actually been too kind or not truly kind at all, helping some people too much, instead of encouraging them to learn to help themselves. And if I ever comment on fic or anything else even partly due to kindness and not because of true interest in and admiration of the text or other contents, I wouldn’t mention it. Oh well, perhaps giving a chance to something that hasn’t yet been pointed out to me as admired by others may have been an act of kindness, unless I have selfish hopes that the act will be reciprocated. At least, thanks to the challenge, I’ve been more aware of other people’s kindness, for instance in their comments on my previous two posts.

Comments

[tjs_whatnot]

Kindness and motives are a lot to think about while also, being lessened by the thought. A real Catch 22,I think.

❤

[paulamcg]

While posting I realised I should have just done anything kind instead of doing all that thinking :) Thank you so much for your kind comment!

[antuhsa]

Well, you mentioned a few posts ago that you went through the wishlists of every single Snowflake Challenge participant to see if you could grant any wishes. That sounds like an act of kindness to me!

[paulamcg]

Thank you for saying that! So kind of you :) But I’m afraid my attempts at kindness are sometimes more like wondering if I could do something than really doing anything.

[antuhsa]

That's ok. Even if you didn't grant any wishes, you made people feel seen, by commenting on their wishlists. That counts for something too, right?

[paulamcg]

I did comment on some wishlists, that much is true. I do comment around, and always reply to all comments, but I feel it’s more that others have been kind to me.

[antuhsa]

I think you're too hard on yourself. You've been nothing but kind to me, and it was very much appreciated!

[paulamcg]

All right ♥ You’re welcome, and thank you!

[pauraque]

I think I would define kindness as considering someone else's perspective — what would help them or make them feel good — and taking an action based on that. I don't see it as inherently in opposition to sincerity, though it can be in some cases. When I imagine what it means to respond to fic in a kind way, I don't necessarily think of praising a fic I didn't actually enjoy. But I do think of reading a fic, liking it, and reminding myself that most readers don't leave any comments and the author might like to get one, so I should leave one myself before moving on. It's not bending over backwards to do something I don't even believe in or that would be excessively difficult for me, but simply nudging myself to do something that might give a little lift to someone else in the course of their day... make things easier or nicer for them. We have a lot of opportunities to do that on a regular basis, and I think kindness is just keeping an eye out for those opportunities and acting on them.

[paulamcg]

Thank you for your wise comment. Despite all my struggling with this challenge, I didn’t choose a clear definition – or take new action particularly based on the challenge. But considering other people’s perspectives is what my my full-time job and family life are about. In fandom I try to comment (and also stop commenting on replies to my comments) according to what I can conclude or guess might make things easier or nicer for my fellow Snowflake (while not bending over backwards. But I tend to imagine that everyone wishes, above all, for comments on their fanworks, because that’s what would give more than a little lift to me.) ♥